Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 20: We Are 20!

This week we’re 20! That’s right Wonkers, we’ve made it to Episode 20. Rosa kicks us off by sharing a rather revealing moment she recently experienced while taking a walk by the sea. As part of this experience, Rosa discovers a surprising fact about turn-ons. The Wonks continue their march through the basic sexual rights as outlined by the Institute for Advance Study of Human Sexuality. This week it’s the right to sexual self-determination. So, what is sexual self-determination? The Wonks discuss sex work and how it relates to the right of sexual self-determination on the part of the service provider and his or her client. Rosa shares a story of a friend’s recent discovery of her interest in exploring cuckqueaning with her husband. What do partners do when it is discovered that one partner may have needs that the other may not be able to meet? Ed and Rosa ponder the possible solution of exploring sex outside of the relationship. The Wonks finishing up this episode with a discussion about the recent prostitution case in Kennebunk and how it illustrates the risks for the both the client and service provider with respect to sex work.

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

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ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 19: Rosa’s Got a New Toy

This week Rosa finds herself with a sweet package delivered all up in her podcasting studio. No, not that kind of package—but a big old box of goodies from her podcasting BFF, Ed C. Wood. In addition to a brand new microphone, Rosa found a very special sumthin’, sumthin’ buried deep in her delivered box. Hidden there was a shiny new sex toy, one Pure Wand made by njoy toys. Ms. Sparks shares her initial experience with her curious new novelty. The Wonks then jump back into their discussion of the basic sexual rights outlined by the Institute for Advance Study of Human Sexuality. In this episode, they discuss right number three: the right not to be exposed to sexual material or behavior. Rosa shares a bizarre discovery with a popular social networking web site and sexual material. She and Ed discuss an article in The Harvard Crimson regarding “Sex Signals” –  a sex and sensitivity training program facilitated on the campus of the university for incoming freshman students. And finally, the Wonks rap things up by sharing a few of their own experiences with the unwelcome sexual behavior of others.

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

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ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 18: Get UR Sexy On

Rosa’s got a burning bush and needs a hose to put out her fire. Maybe if she calls the guys at the local station down the block they’ll the bring their big hoses to quell the flames? What’s that, Ma’am? Dude looks like a lady?! Mr. Wood shares a story of being mistaken for a biker chick at his neighborhood Home Depot.

The Wonks then dive into a discussion of the second basic sexual right as outlined by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality: The right to sexual entertainment, freely available in the marketplace, including sexually explicit materials dealing with the full range of sexual behavior.

Has this right created a situation by which kids (and adults) today are using pornography as sex education? Ed and Rosa discuss a piece by Tracy Clark-Flory recently posted on her blog at Salon.com entitled, Finding Your Kid’s Porn. The Wonks also recount similar personal experiences related to pornography from their youth.

Ed throws out the question—is pornography creating a culture of sexual dysmorphia? The Wonks share an article about Cindy Gallop, the creator of the web site makelovenotporn.com. Cindy was inspired to create the website after she discovered several common sexual behavior memes with her partners. Rosa and Ed discuss some of their experiences with a few of the memes mentioned by Cindy in the article.

And finally, the Wonks wonder—are there some things we just don’t want to see?

Relevant Links
Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality
Finding Your Kids Porn
Can Cindy Gallop’s Crowdsourced Porn Take Down Mainstream Pornography?
Hulk Hogan Sex Tape on Gawker

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

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ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Shiny, Pretty Things

It’s true what The Beatles opined: “Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.” I received an internationally-shipped package today from my dear friend, Mr. Ed C. Wood. Take a little look-see:

Now, you might be wondering, “What kind of friend sends another friend a sex toy? Dude. That’s just some weird shit. I don’t even get that intimate with my spouse.”

But you know what? That’s a true friend. Ed is my gay soul mate. We “get” each other. We’re often very much in sync. And to think that when he was given this particular toy as a gift at a conference that he recently attended – and acted upon the thoughtfulness and generosity in his heart to share this with me – well, that really touches me (pardon the pun).

And isn’t that what friendship is about? Not to mention, Ed has a LOT more experience with different types of toys than I do. It’s just a fact. And this speaks to how friends (and partners, if we’re lucky) complement each other. As a friend (and fellow Sex Wonk), Ed wanted me to be able to try something new – even in the absence of a lover – in the spirit of sexual anthropology and exploration. It will help me to enhance my own sexuality at least, but hopefully it will also help you in some way if I’m able to share about the experience and make recommendations or observations about the toy’s use and maybe even (if we’re lucky) we can engage in a conversation about it and help each other.

And I believe in “paying it forward,” too – I have recently helped a long-time friend – through providing research and suggestions and after many years of trying – achieve orgasm on her own. We’ve been discussing this for a long time. I continued to provide her with encouragement and ideas – and when I got that e-mail last week with the subject line that read, “I did it!” I was overjoyed for my friend and felt so good that I had a hand (even if not literally) in helping her reach one of her most treasured goals. What difference does it make if it happened to be sexual? In some ways, it makes me sad that I was the only person she felt she could seek guidance from on this matter.

Along with my shiny new sex toy, Ed also included another sparkly piece:

You’ve probably noticed that my sound quality on our podcasts has been lacking, and we really appreciate you hanging in there with us until now – the audio should be a lot more balanced and better moving ahead because of this beauty. And it’s all thanks to Ed, our tech guru, who you may hear me lovingly poke fun at when he gets all “techy” – but the reality is, THANK GOODNESS for his mad skillz!

Are you fortunate enough to have good friends who have your back on WHATEVER kind of issues you face? Do you have soul mates who aren’t necessarily your lover or partner? Do you have any suggestions on how I can most effectively use this toy?

Please give us a shout.

Love,

Rosa

Rosa.Sparks@sexwonks.com

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 17: (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Good Sex)

All you need is love! And up first in this episode the Wonks thank all of you—our listeners (and Facebook Wonkers)—for the love you’ve shared over the past week. Ed bores Rosa with a wee bit of techno-babble in regard to some upcoming changes with the podcast feed (please stay tuned). And after the wah, wah, wah, Ed and Rosa get down and dirty and discuss some of the most fundamental rights to them (and hopefully you as well) – our basic sexual rights.

Ed briefly shares his experience at the recent Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit and his discovery of basic sexual rights drafted by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. The Wonks quickly run down the list of basic sexual rights then discuss the first one.

What’s paraphilia? Ed and Rosa discuss the subject and its various manifestations, which prompts Rosa to theorize on a very over-the-top fantasy and whether it’s legal. What is desire? What’s socially acceptable desire? What happens when one’s desire is perhaps a beast of burden? Or perhaps just a beast? The Wonks discuss all of that and more in Episode 17!

Relevant links:
Lars and the Real Girl
Happiness
Virtual Girlfriends in Japan

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

Like us on Facebook! www.facebook/SexWonks


ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Time to Start Your Own Pussy Riot?

wild pussyThe arrest and subsequent incarceration of three of the 12 members of the Russian female avant-garde punk rock band Pussy Riot is hardly recent news to anyone who follows international events. Three young women, Maria Alyokhina, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Yekaterina Samutsevich were arrested and charged with “hooliganism motivated by religious hatred” following an impromptu radical art performance and political protest in Cathedral of Christ the Saviour in Moscow on February 21, 2012.

All three young women were subsequently convicted and each given a two year prison sentence on August 21, 2012 – because, according to the judge, Marina Syrova they had “crudely undermined the social order” with their protest and performance.1

Hello! Someone please call Ms. Syrova on her clue phone. Sometimes the social order needs to be undermined, particularly when it comes to – ummm – the pussy.

Given I live in a country in which there is a distinct separation of church and state (in theory), I find it somewhat disturbing to see three young women being subjected to what is essentially a re-boot of Salem Witch Trials for the new millennium. However, what I find far more disturbing is the underlying tone of misogyny and the overt need to subjugate women—by a woman no less. One has to seriously consider if these young women had instead been young men and were in a band named, say, Cock Fight –  would they have been arrested? And in turn, would they have been convicted and given such harsh sentences for what was essentially a flash mob (albeit politically motivated and in a church)?

And dear reader, if you think such assaults on the freedom(s) of the pussy are limited to the land of plentiful vodka, ossetra caviar, and white nights think again.

Currently, here in the good ol’ U S of A, there are any number of attempts by policy-makers and conservative special interest groups to limit a woman’s choice in regard to her own body. These restrictions include everything from limiting the availability of contraception and the re-definition of rape, to the prerequisite of essentially sexual assault to receive an abortion. And the gender of the vast majority of these policymakers? You guessed it boys and girls—men.

Why are these men so afraid of the pussy?

Okay, maybe it’s because I’m a gay man and I have little understanding of (and zero practical experience with) a woman’s lady parts which has contributed to my current state of being baffled by this conundrum. And perhaps my lack of empirical understanding of the vah-jay-jay has also led to my being nearly incapable of understanding the inherent paradox associated with current political assault upon the pussy. So let me see if I might break it down a wee bit here.

This fear of the pussy isn’t logical.

Is the intoxicating delight of the pussy really that powerful? So overwhelming that it can make grown men act in an irrational and illogical manner?

If so, where can I acquire one?

Again, perhaps my view is a tad bit skewed because I’m a gay man. However, given that logic typically follows reason, it would seem only reasonable (and logical) if something contained such power and potential of mythic proportion it would be held in high regard and cherished. But rather, it appears that in our current socio-sexual circumstance, which is fueled in no small part by political paranoia, the pussy instead is to be looked upon as something to be disdained and treated with contempt.

Why?

I think the answer lies in a line of the song Pussy Power by the demigod of punk, Mr. Iggy Pop. “When it’s there and I can’t have it/I get real real rabid.”

Fundamentally, I think it’s about resentment.

From this outsider’s viewpoint it truly appears to be a classic case of pussy envy—if you will. Yet another objectification of women. Yet another situation in which women are reduced to being a commodity like any other. It’s supply and demand, and when demands aren’t met, well, we all know that means, don’t we? It means this is war—damn the torpedo bras and establish a blockade.

Think you should have the right to make a choice as to whether you wish to conceive a child. Guess again, my sweet – we’re cutting off your supply. Too emotionally painful to endure nine months of torture as a child of incest or rape gestates in your womb? Sorry! Every life is precious, my dear, and you should consider yourself grateful for such an opportunity young lady. See, it says so right here in this ultrasound which we now require to be kept permanently in your medical record should you scrape together the funds to terminate the ill-conceived pregnancy.

Will this war ever end?

Free your pussy and the rest will follow?

As a male, who was raised by a strong, independent, hard-working single mother, I find it troubling and quite frankly insulting to witness the attitudes and behavior of many of the current politicians and policymakers. Many of whom are of (or very close to) my generation. My mother worked for many years as a civil servant in the United States Postal Service at a time when few women worked for the organization. She toiled alongside men and worked just as hard (if not harder) than they to prove herself – all the while being subjected to the harassment and intimidation by her male co-workers who felt the need to constantly remind her that her job rightfully belonged to a man.

My mother, along with any number of other women of her generation, endured any number of hardships (and outright abuse) in order to create a better world for their sons and more importantly their daughters. What will be the final legacy of the strides they made toward the equality of women? To see all they accomplished be whittled away by closeted misogynists and political/religious extremists? That’s a reality to which I’ll not be able to bear witness.

Looks like it’s time for someone to instigate yet another pussy riot.

Photo provided by freedigitalphotos.net

ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 16: More Mr. Green

As promised, we’re getting ever greener (and wetter) here on the podcast with the second half of our interview with Mr. Green. The Wonks open this episode with Rosa getting in touch with her inner dom as she sets Ed straight (so to speak) and they discuss the origin of the terms top and bottom and how they have now seeped into popular culture. In the opening of the second part of the Wonks’ interview with Mr. Green, Rosa inquires about switching. Mr. G reveals his Zen side when the Wonks ask about contracts. Rosa probes further to find out if Mr. Green has more than one sub at any given moment. Mr. Green shares that one of his favorite play spaces is Paddles NYC in Chelsea. The Wonks and Mr. Green then discuss rope and rigging and the fact that both Ed and Mr. Green wish to learn it. Mr. Green offers advice to those interested in exploring BDSM. And of course, what interview about BDSM would be complete without a discussion of 50 Shades of  Grey? In closing, Mr. Green shares about his favorite kind of play and Rosa has a surprising revelation that she’d really like to be spanked – harder than usual.

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

Like us on Facebook! www.facebook/SexWonks


ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Letter to the Professor: Unruly Heart

“You just need to release your self and let me come in. You are my wine!”

Dear [Whatever Name You Want to Feel],

You have beautiful words. I am a lover of words and so they are important to me and I appreciate them. But I have also learned the harshest of lessons recently about what words can and can’t do. There is nothing and nobody but my own heart who can decide when it will release itself and when and who can come in.

“You just need to” is great advice, but life doesn’t work that way. Unfortunately, there is not enough room for anyone in there at this moment because it had recently filled and overflowed with the missing piece of my soul. I’m not quite sure you truly understand the profundity of what I am grieving. I’m not a teenager. I have had my heart broken and I have broken other hearts. What I am grieving is the other side of a conversation that my soul had been missing for thousands of years. An epic connection that told me my dreams were all coming true and that I’d wandered in the desert for 40 years and it was all worth it to eventually find this person.

One doesn’t “just” do anything when that inexplicably goes missing except to first struggle to even wake up each day. It’s progress when one no longer wishes for death to come in the night. It’s even enormous progress when one gets to a point of thinking that maybe the Universe will prove her wrong and that there could be hope for future love. Someday.

I have made big progress, but perhaps not enough yet. It is a process. And yes, I’m ultra aware of time. I never expected to be “here” at this point. Much as I hate to waste my precious time grieving, I must also accept that grief takes its own time and journey and we cannot force it. There is clearly a lesson that it needs me to learn for the next half of my life and I haven’t quite yet wrapped my head (or heart) around the lesson. Perhaps I am slow.

The last decade of my life has been about giving myself away to men who claim to love and accept me for ALL that I am – the “good, bad and ugly” – but who ultimately flake out because they never truly loved me – only loved the IDEA of me. Right now I must focus on healing myself and loving myself or I will not be any good to any other person who might be worthy of me or I of him.

You should ask yourself: are you really interested in a Jew with tattoos who doesn’t like to feel tied down and who runs a sex podcast and blog? I may look good on paper – I am well-educated, I have a fabulous resume and I am the consummate professional. I am loyal, playful, honest, kind, generous, sensual, loving and real. But I’ve also caused people to want to take their own lives because of my inability to commit. I’m not so sure you’re aware of the freak that I really am. I could ruin your reputation.

Even in “normal” times I am a “runner.” If things get too close or pressurized for my free spirit, I will run and leave someone flapping in the wind. And I am feeling pressurized now. My heart is not peaceful. You certainly deserve more.

You want babies. I fear the loss of my freedom and the woman I need to be first with the birth of babies. This is a fundamental divide for us. Funny, though – with the one I lost I was the woman I wanted to be and every cell in my body had cried out to make his babies as if it were Written. With him, I didn’t feel pressurized or trapped or feel the need to flee. The butterfly had found its nectar home. Or so his precious and perfect words had (mis)led me to believe.

The only person I need to let come into my heart right now is ME. I have forgotten about me for a long, long time. It cannot come from the outside in. It must come from the inside out. It has taken me 41 years to learn this.

I hope you have a lovely day.

rosa.sparks@sexwonks.com

Photo provided by freedigitalphotos.net