We Could Dream This Night Away

As Autumn shimmies in, it’s a big time for reflection. In fact, it’s the Harvest Moon tonight (also known as the Wine Moon, the Singing Moon, the Blue Corn Moon and the Elk Call Moon). So we might bask in the abundance that we’re reaping; or we might wonder if we’ve actually sown enough of – or good enough of – what we should have this past year.

A few days ago, Yom Kippur was observed. Otherwise known as the Day of Atonement, it’s the most solemn and holy day on the Jewish calendar (which, by the way, also happens to be a lunar calendar – so no coincidence that it falls during this most contemplative time of year). It’s traditional not only to do some deep soul-searching, but also to deny oneself of certain basic comforts for 24 hours in order to symbolically repent and focus. For example, one is supposed to fast, give up bathing and not engage in sexual relations to name a few.

Forgiveness is a major theme of this holy day. We are meant to be asking for forgiveness for any transgressions that we may have committed during the past year – either intentionally or unintentionally – and we are supposed to find forgiveness in our hearts as well. We ponder how we can do better for others, for ourselves and for the world in the new year.

So I got to thinking (uh, oh, there she goes again!): In terms of sex, is there anything you’d like to do better with in the coming year? Have you been true to yourself sexually? Have you done everything you can to meet your lover’s needs? Are you living who you really are – your best self sexually, emotionally, intellectually, creatively, otherwise? 

And when I say you, I mean all of us, including me. Which got me thinking even more (Red alert! Red alert!), especially upon reading Ed C. Wood’s blog from this past week, It’s Just Sex? Ed raises some really good questions when it comes to pondering if I’m being true to myself sexually. Like Ed, I am of two minds on the matter: on the one hand, sex is sex. I adore sex. I need sex. Sex is healthy. It’s part of who I am. I want it (dare I say… I’m nearly desperate for it).

Although I take care of myself liberally as needed, it’s beginning to reach that critical point where nothing but a penis – a penis attached to a real live human being who also has arms and lips, amongst other things – will satiate my profound need. I almost feel like a Hazmat situation, walking around like a radioactively charged danger to myself and others. I know that if I really wanted to, I could fuck that corner ice cream store owner with the reddish hair and the blue eyes and the pony tail who has that Viking look that so totally turns my crank (“Please pillage me?”) I’m pretty sure it would be hot and raw and that I’d catch some un-intended girly feelings. I could also (if I were a different sort of person. Read: opportunist and user) take the infatuated, kind, intellectual, poetic African professor up on his offer to pay my way to his university in Florida so we could explore the possibility of making some babies together (therein lies the rub: he’d like to make some babies; I’d like to suck and ride on a big cock sometime again in this lifetime. Are the two mutually exclusive?)

But, see, here’s the other hand of the matter. And I really sometimes wish that this part didn’t matter, so that I could just go get me some dick and move on with a freshly-fucked swagger. That is, despite the urgency of “getting my groove back,” sex is a powerful and complex thing. I’m not so sure that I could – like a decade ago – live on booty calls. Just fucking might be helpful in the immediate term, but upon asking myself Ed’s question, “Is it just sex?,” I must admit that (at least for me, and we’re all different) no – I don’t think it can be “just sex” for me anymore – much as I’d like it to be. So then, given how much I need and want sex, how can I be sexually true to myself at this time?

This past year, the lover whom I thought was my “one” (the man who broke my heart and cracked my soul and had me feeling like a widow when he disappeared inexplicably after having told me I was his “one” and had asked me to be with him and share our lives together – yeah, that man) had, while we were in the early stages of discovering the epic connection we had, enlightened me about a song by my life lyricist, Morrissey, which I had shockingly not previously known about, called, “Let the Right One Slip In.”  I must be honest here, listening to this song again is heart-wrenching because there had been no doubt in my heart, mind, soul and body that we were made for each other; that the Universe had finally brought us each “the right one” and he was the only one I wanted to let “slip in.” Forever.

Let the right one in
Let the old dreams die
Let the wrong ones go
They cannot
They cannot
They cannot do what you want them to do
Oh …

Let the right one in
Let the old dreams die
Let the wrong ones go
They do not
They do not
They do not see what you want them to
Oh …

Let the right one in
Let the old things fade
Put the tricks and schemes (for good) away

Ah … I will advise
Ah … Until my mouth dries
Ah … I will advise you to …

Ah … let the right one slip in
Slip in
Slip in

And when at last it does
I’d say you were within your rights to bite
The right one and say, “what kept you so long ?”
“What kept you so long ?”

You see, I had truly thought that I would no longer be in this quandary of either seeking out “just sex” with other people, or keeping my own self somewhat satiated whilst waiting for “the right one.” I realize that in our spectrum of sexuality, these are not my only choices, so I continue to ruminate on how to be true to my own self and my own sexuality. How to forgive him as well as how to forgive myself if I’m not getting or giving what I need.

Perhaps my dear Ed C. Wood has offered up a bit of a solution for me in the meantime. On its way to me is a new, shiny toy. Perhaps, while I’m waiting for my future lover to find me, this will help me usher in a new era of possibilities – of exploring my own sexuality and learning new things about what my body can do. And maybe even making myself better for my next lover. How lucky am I to have a friend like Ed C. Wood?! He’s such a good friend and Sex Wonks partner that if I were a dude, I’d allow him to practice prostate stimulation on me in his quest for fulfilling ass play!

Meanwhile – in the spirit of being true to myself in the new year – when it was time for the fast to end after Yom Kippur, I realized that my need for “Vitamin O” outweighed even my need for food in that moment. So I gave myself a big O. And nearly passed out. Dear Readers, should you ever decide that you need an orgasm after having fasted for 24 hours, please make sure that you are near furniture or something you can grab onto, lest you find yourself on the floor. Or do yourself a favour and eat something first before coming.

In the spirit of the season, here’s wishing you a bountiful harvest of good sex!

Love,

Rosa

rosa.sparks@sexwonks.com

*Image by Njoy

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 15: 50 Shades of Mr. Green

We at the podcast are all about being green. So this week, the Wonks are 50 shades of green—Mr. Green that is. As promised, Ed and Rosa are serving up their interview with Mr. Green (the dom to Ms. Brown Eyes’ sub).

In this first half of the interview, Mr. Green begins by explaining how he was initially introduced to BDSM with a partner who asked him to tie her up. He then elaborates on how he learned more about BDSM alone, mostly through books and magazines and occasionally through the on-line communities of the burgeoning internet. Our dom then tells the Wonks about the gear he typically uses – his favorites being rope, restraints and paddles. Ed inquires about how to use gear such as paddles without leaving bruises or marks.

Mr. Green confesses to Rosa that most of his subs somehow find him – he doesn’t really need to seek them out. Ed asks if the dom has ever experienced any negative reactions from a partner when she discovered his interest. Mr. Green explains to Rosa that his subs are about an even mix between those who are experienced and those who are less so. The Wonks then wrap up the first half of their interview with Mr. Green with a discussion of the concept of sub space and what that means.

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

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ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

It’s Just Sex?

In the 1995 movie Jeffrey, based on a play of the same name written by Paul Rudnick, the lead character becomes paranoid about sex for fear of becoming infected with HIV while being sexually active during the height of the AIDS epidemic. Shortly after he’s made the decision to swear off sex, he meets a hunky gentleman at the gym who immediately becomes the temptation he needs to re-asses this decision. As he begins to work through the myriad feelings that result from meeting the gentleman to whom he’s intensely attracted, his friend Sterling, over coffee, counsels—”it’s just sex.”

A few weeks ago, when I posted an ad on my favorite haunt for hooks ups, Craigslist, I was looking for a play partner with whom to try out a new toy. There was a curious result: I received no less than three or four responses from guys who confessed to me that a) they were curious to try anal stimulation/penetration and experience the resulting pleasure, but had never done so; and b) that they were new to exploring sex with other men. As is often the case with the responses I get from such posts, there was only one gentleman who actually showed up at my apartment a few days later after exchanging several emails. He called himself J.

As J. initially entered my apartment I could tell that he was extremely nervous. I thought nothing of it, as guys are often nervous. However, after a few moments of idle chit chat I could tell that J. was really struggling as we were standing and talking. Finally, I said to him, “Would you like to sit down on the couch and talk a little more?”

“Yes, that would be nice,” replied J. As we sat down, he stammered, “As I was driving over here I had what I wanted to say worked out in my head. Now, as I’m sitting here, I can’t recall any of it.”

“We can talk about anything you like,” I offered in comfort.

“I’m not much of a talker,” J. chuckled, “and that makes it kind of difficult for me to tell you what I’m thinking.”

“I find it’s as difficult as we make it,” I observed.

“I guess you’re right,” said J.

As we sat talking for about an hour, J. shared with me that he’s married, but he and his wife are separated by two continents – and that he sees several women regularly for both companionship and sex. He explained that the reason he answered my post was because one of his girlfriends had, at one time, massaged his prostate with her finger while performing oral sex on him. And in his words, “It was amazing.” He further explained that he’s always wanted to experience it again, but for whatever reason his girlfriend has never once again ventured into ass play with him.

The longer we sat and talked it became more and  more clear to me that J. was most likely not going to be comfortable with the thought of the two of us having sex. Shortly thereafter, J. confessed that he wasn’t sure he’d be up for having sex upon a first meeting. And though I assured him several times that it wasn’t big deal to me – and that I enjoy meeting people just as much if not more than having sex with them – he kept apologizing and saying, “I’m so sorry to have wasted your time.”

And I kept repeatedly replying, “I don’t at all feel as though you’ve wasted my time.”

After J. left my apartment, and during many moments since, I’ve thought of those three words of Jeffrey’s friend Sterling: It’s just sex.  And when I think about those words, there is this weird kind of dichotomy that occurs in my mind. Part of me thinks he’s right. It’s no big deal. It feels good and it’s fun. To paraphrase Jeffrey, it’s one of the greatest gifts from the universe.

Then there’s the experience I had with J. For him, sex is anything but trivial – particularly the thought of making the leap from having sex exclusively with women to having sex with men. As I sat and talked with him on the evening he visited me, I could tell he was struggling with any number of conflicting feelings. And as I sat and watched and listened to him, I realized that at times sex can also bring about within us so many conflicting feelings and desires. Those conflicts often make it difficult for us to freely enjoy ourselves sexually.

“It’s just sex,” dear Sterling?

I think not.

ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 14: Sex Is Just a Fantasy

Life is just a fantasy – do you live an erotic fantasy life? This week the Wonks explore the world of sexual fantasy. First up, Ed and Rosa ponder which makes for better fantasies—celebrities or people from our real lives? Ed confesses that during his younger years he would most often think about celebrities such as George Michael, but that today, most of his masturbatory fantasies are about people he’s encountered in real life. Rosa shares that it appears both she and Ed have lived parallel fantasy lives because she herself used to have fantasies about Cy Curnin. However, she too finds that her current fantasies – more often than not- are about former lovers. Rosa throws out the question, “Which celebrity would you fuck today?” Ed’s answer: George Clooney or Brad Pitt. The Wonks play a quick game of “Who Would You Do?”. Ed and Rosa take a trip down memory lane with fantasies they’ve explored. Ed shares a story of spanking that went horribly awry. Rosa next relays a story of going Rambo on a former lover’s ass with curious results. Ed shares fantasies relayed to him by a new fuck buddy and his feelings of being intrigued by them. The Wonks wrap it up with a plea to you, the listener. Please share your fantasies with us!

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

Like us on Facebook! www.facebook/SexWonks

ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 13: O Solo Me Oh

It’s lucky 13 for the Sex Wonks this week. And while it may be lucky Episode 13, there are times when—well we don’t always get lucky. When this happens, what’s a horny Wonk to do? Rub one out of course! So this week the Wonks discuss all about taking care of it yourself. First up, Ed shares a story about his recent encounter with a new toy and fear of  getting it stuck. Next, Rosa shares a dream from years ago in which she curiously had an outtie rather than her usual innie. Rosa and Ed then discuss their early experiences with solo pleasure. Ed shares his initiation to solo sex with a couple of childhood friends and his discovery of the pleasure of spanking the monkey while spending the summer on a family farm. Ms. Sparks then shares that she was a wee bit tardy to the party with regard to self-pleasure. Ironically, Rosa’s initial introduction to sexual pleasure was with partners. It was only years later that she explored the waters of self-satisfaction. The Wonks then ponder the oft-asked question, “Is solo sex cheating when you’re in a relationship?” And finally, do you jerk at work? The Wonks do and they want to hear your stories.

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

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ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

Sex Wonks Podcast Episode 12: Talk Dirty to Me

This week the wonks get down and dirty. They pose the questions, “Do you like the dirty talk? If so, how dirty do you like it?” But before the dirt, Ed shares an unfortunate close encounter between a newly purchased sex toy and his bed frame. Next up, Rosa explains that while she doesn’t enjoy the contrived carnal utterings found in pornography, she does like to occasionally express her enthusiasm when a lover hits just the right spot. Ed then shares a few experiences of his own with randy word play – one about a former boyfriend who not only liked to talk dirty, but loud as well; and the other of a curious random dirty talk experience with a recent hook up. After the filthy talk, Rosa and Ed take a trip south of the border to explore the world of “nether dos.” The Wonks ponder which style is best: the natural, the Brazilian or bald as an eagle? And finally, the Wonks have discovered the latest temptation to the male youth of the nation… Va-Jazzling!

You can find more of the Sex Wonks @ www.sexwonks.com.

Email your comments, questions or feedback to holla@sexwonks.com.

Calls us on our listener line! 202-580-8594

Like us on Facebook! www.facebook/SexWonks

ecw
ed.c.wood@sexwonks.com
www.sexwonks.com
@HardEdCWood

In a Blue Moon

The sea was enchanting tonight! And, as usual, it schooled me. Because of the full moon tides, this was not a “lie back and float” visit. It was more of a “let’s tango!” kind of night.

The debris and rubbish of the tourist months had cleared out, leaving the water clear and silky – and it was almost imperceptibly cooler than it has been all summer. The tide was strong and once I made it out past the breakers, the rolling waves were righteous and bountiful! Tall and big and strong (as I like my lovers). I had to keep my wits about me in order to find that place where I could have just as easily been carried out as carried in. When you play with abundance, you’ve got to be mindful. You’ve gotta learn its dance moves. Its pulls and shimmies and rhythms so you can complement each other and nobody gets lost.

There are different parts of life to which my ruminations on abundance apply (fame, money, power and so forth), but because I am first and foremost horny, and because being immersed in the sea is a very sensual experience, I got to thinking about sex in abundance. Of course, that is one of my greatest longings at the moment since I currently am without a lover. But when you’re “tangoing” with somebody beneath the sheets (or on the kitchen table, or in a field under the stars…) there are also unspoken power plays that happen naturally – whether you’re even aware of them or not. And whether it’s your first time together or your 3001st, there are moves and cues and nuances that we are managing all the time. Who’s on top. Who initiates. Who moves on from one spot to the next. Who teases. Who bites. Who bleeds. It’s all mixed up in a delicious bubble of animal interaction. And, a bit like I described in The Freak Factor, once in a blue moon you may find a lover whose toes you need to know the flavour of. Who knows the ridges of the back of your teeth. Whose tongue longs to lap the bead of sweat running down your ass crack a millisecond before it reaches the puckers of your anus.Or even after it has.

So there I was, under the August 2012 “Blue Moon” – way past where I could stand – letting the sea lead me. Once I found that sweet spot where I could let it sway and pull me, but where I knew I wouldn’t be swept out to sea (unless I wanted to be), I turned myself eastward to face the big, bright disc in the sky with gratitude and admiration for the way it choreographed the sea’s movements for me this evening. And because all of life is poetry, I found myself leaving the sea with the radio in my head tuned to Bob Marley.

My deepest hunger – my dearest desire – is that maybe if I’m really, really lucky, my true partner in crime will reveal himself in time to swim with me at night in the sea under the next blue moon – with the sea helping to direct our own sensual moves. Someone who would want to share in the adventures and delights of the seasons and nature and sex in all its power and bounty. Could I be loved? Could you?

Love,

Rosa

rosa.sparks@sexwonks.com

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